In a stunning show of solidarity, Apple has agreed to put aside its disdain for the Trump Administration and vowed to collaborate with the COVID-19 Task Force to produce the first-of-its-kind, self-injecting watches. Nicknamed the iCOVID, these watches will sync with a person’s biology and detect the early onset of any COVID-19 symptoms. Once any […]
“They are at the cutting edge of chemistry research and engineering,” Trump said to a packed White House press conference. In what was a startling revelation, during an impromptu press briefing, President Trump made his nomination public. “Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my distinct pleasure to very, very strongly nomimate the Wuhan Institute of Virology […]
In a move touted by experts as “the smartest thing Trump has done yet,” Trump appointed Ms. Greta Thunberg to lead the U.S. COVID-19 Pandemic efforts. “With her years of leadership experience and scientific expertise, Ms. Thunberg was the obvious choice to replace Vice President Pence as the U.S. Pandemic Task Force leader” Trump said […]
In another phase of his bold and ongoing “Make America Awesome Now or MAAN” initiative, Trump signed an executive order banning chivalry. “The antiquated days of men holding doors for women, standing when a woman approaches a dining table, giving up his taxi for a woman or even walking on the street side of a […]
In a brave move to ensure continued economic growth during the COVID-19 pandemic, Trump exercised eminent domain over Girl Scout Cookie revenues. “We must find every way possible to support Big Banks during this COVID-19 crisis” Trump said as he signed the Executive Order. According to Eminent Domain law, the Trump Administration must provide “just […]
