In a startling turn of events, Trump edged closer to a 2024 Presidential victory by ensuring his document security is rock solid by hiring FBI Director, Christopher Wray as Trump’s new Chief of Document Security. “After the raid on my Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida, I realized just how effective Chris is at what he does! […]
In a bold move to ensure no one mistakes him for being anything but the President of the United States, Trump selects the Seal of the President of the United States as his new, full-color cheek tattoo. “I wasn’t sure I’d like it.” said Trump. “But, now that I see its vibrant colors and the […]
In a stunning show of solidarity, Apple has agreed to put aside its disdain for the Trump Administration and vowed to collaborate with the COVID-19 Task Force to produce the first-of-its-kind, self-injecting watches. Nicknamed the iCOVID, these watches will sync with a person’s biology and detect the early onset of any COVID-19 symptoms. Once any […]
“They are at the cutting edge of chemistry research and engineering,” Trump said to a packed White House press conference. In what was a startling revelation, during an impromptu press briefing, President Trump made his nomination public. “Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my distinct pleasure to very, very strongly nomimate the Wuhan Institute of Virology […]
In a move touted by experts as “the smartest thing Trump has done yet,” Trump appointed Ms. Greta Thunberg to lead the U.S. COVID-19 Pandemic efforts. “With her years of leadership experience and scientific expertise, Ms. Thunberg was the obvious choice to replace Vice President Pence as the U.S. Pandemic Task Force leader” Trump said […]
In another phase of his bold and ongoing “Make America Awesome Now or MAAN” initiative, Trump signed an executive order banning chivalry. “The antiquated days of men holding doors for women, standing when a woman approaches a dining table, giving up his taxi for a woman or even walking on the street side of a […]
In a brave move to ensure continued economic growth during the COVID-19 pandemic, Trump exercised eminent domain over Girl Scout Cookie revenues. “We must find every way possible to support Big Banks during this COVID-19 crisis” Trump said as he signed the Executive Order. According to Eminent Domain law, the Trump Administration must provide “just […]
Trumps signs new Executive Order — “Oscar Night at the White House” In a groundbreaking and historic executive order, President Donald J. Trump is seeking to enhance the relationship between the Hollywood elite and the White House. “After the 2017 Oscars, I feel it’s important to embrace the diversity of our Hollywood elite.” Trump stated. […]
