May 3, 2020 - Press Secretary
Trump bans chivalry!
In another phase of his bold and ongoing “Make America Awesome Now or MAAN” initiative, Trump signed an executive order banning chivalry. “The antiquated days of men holding doors for women, standing when a woman approaches a dining table, giving up his taxi for a woman or even walking on the street side of a woman are over!” Trump emphasized.
“Woman have been demanding equal rights for decades and it’s about time we succumbed to those demands” Trump said as he signed the executive order. Trump’s staff celebrated this victory as a group at Hooters in Washington D.C. “There’s no better place to celebrate such a victory…” said one of Trump’s enebriated staffers “than that bastion of female independence – the local Hooters!“
Women came together – in spite of any and all COVID-19 group gatherings restrictions – to celebrate this monumental progress in Women’s rights. “We can see now that President Trump is finally coming around to understanding women as an equal and important United States demographic” exclaimed Joleene McRandolph, Director of WIN – Women’s Initiatives Now. WIN members indicated that they are so looking forward to what Trump will do after he’s elected for his second term. “We are simply in awe” women around the country are saying “and we’ll be running to the polls in November 2020 to ensure Trump has a second term as President.”
This executive order goes into effect immediately and any man violating this order is subject to the following penalties: One week being forced to watch Jane Fonda films about her love for the North Vietnamese goverment during the early 70s, One week of wearing a man bun to every sporting event he attends or a $10,000 fine and / or 30 days in jail. Men around the United States expressed their support for this initiative. “We are so glad women are finally equal to men” is the mantra escaping from men’s mouths all over the country.
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